| flash card: revisionist psychology. |
Self-Analysis (The Practice) is not the fulfillment of grandiose wishes. It will not make you what you cannot be. It might if you make the passage correctly, make you a better human. It should reduce the consequences of neurosis in your life, and assist your understanding of others. |
| Don’t try to remember this. It will stick in your mind relative to what it means to you. |
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I need to mention I am not qualified to advise others,
as well a little wacky when it comes to evaluating my own personal life details. Nevertheless, that is me, and where I find my starting points for dream alanysis and the resulting self-analysis begins by looking for hints of a cosmic if not devine power with a message somehow arriving from outside of my self, advising, nidging me, trying to move me to being a better person, a more insightful person and one helpful to others and not totally self-centered. or self-delusional. The good intentions, I hope, are enough to cause others to overlook the imperfections and misdirection connected with my input here. I try to take a view that has room for being open to other persons seeing my dream world different than I do.
I cannot tell myself if such desires changes in any way my dream
content or their value to me.
Although in my dream events here are three separate dream episodes. I believe they are connected at some level just out of reach of my ability to connect them.
This causes me to [1] read them over and then locate the base elements and test each of them agaimst my real life. Looking in particular for its message type elements [2] Then subject, piece by piece, each element or item in the dream to a kind of loose thinking somewhat in the manner of Freudian free association. I intentionally shut off any thread of association too repetitious, ugly, hateful or self-demeaning. This has something to do with my coping ability in relation to negative thoughts more than any rejection of free association as a analytic tool. [3] My coping ability also is key to my similar automatic shut-off of memory search, the next process. I break off searching for the past whenever it turns into a guilt trip, or a muck-raking of childhood parental conflicts. I accept that these these things shaped me and that in time I can reduce them to ordinary
memories and not sore spots. [5] I tell myself that my unconscious will do justice in respect to that which is significant, when and if, it sees that I can deal with it. (Not very scientific but not unpleasant either. And I look forward to welcoming my new dreams as they arrive.
Here, fragmented, are my notes I jotted down- I don’t normally write down anything but the manifest dream content in my dream book.
My not keeping written interpretations and associations has its roots in my belief when any element has been worked through you should be able to forget it and not be haunted by it.
Example my procedures:
Dream 1
The unidentified feminine voice - Asking about the weather in Italy?
Some associations
Voice= My alter ego, my conscience, my mother, the bitch at work who seems out to sabotage me.
Weather= Sunny Italy- Tempests-Metaphor for moods. Weather we-at-her= hostile-feminine -tempestuous-intimacy problems (mine and or others).
My playing that I might know= a trick to get her [ego-super-ego or whatever] to reveal what she is really after?= vague fears/ s/he= who?/why?/what? Motive? /(various thoughts
not written down 3-4 minutes and I shut them off and move to the next dream. noting that it also connects to Italy)
Italy=sunny happy place [hidden Mafia elements=gangster=bad men-men= mostly-some women-danger to me-to others-recent local crime news-etc.
Color slip wrong/not useable for recipient/=good or bad intentions gone wrong-denial of responsibility for error- (one of my basic traits)=shift to others law-lawyers-dissimilarity of colors-excuses (I am indeed, a clever excuse maker)
Supervisor responds =’the other’ who takes away fear and handles the problems to big for me to handle. (My missed father imago in childhood)
He takes the hostile angry man away from me and to a office with higher authority=wish fulfilled at the cost of shifting danger to him-my objects of attachment and love=up to mother-husband and-even god-etc.= -important images periled when I shift responsibility for things- I should be able to manage myself-the irrationality and the physicalitywith which this man confronted me= paralyzed ability to handle some negative
things-or do I just over react?-In this dream I don’t think so-I am saved just before bad things happen (has been true in some but not all cases for me in past) -confrontations= I can’t depend on such interventions to save myself or keep me stable-or to control others (Issues I know I have)
hostile intentions=( thing occasional a problem for me.)At this point I feel I have turned up some new ground (my preferred metaphor) and move on to the third dream which is semi-hallucinatory and fear toned.
My first inclination is to reject this dream as not real-or
even analyzable and at the same time I recall how real it seemed at its moment of occurrence. It was real, lucid, clear and frightening. The plaid sport’s shirt seemed to anchored it as visible proof of its reality. I feel this dream’s nightmarish quality gives it more significance than the other two ‘ordinary type’ dreams. I found it however very difficult to perform the same association process on it that I do with the ordinary dreams.
Element research:
Man =dangerous or threatening// falls on me=sexual threats-real ones?/imagined ones?/
Plaid Shirt= scotch clan=scotch whiskey-drunk men= predators/molesters/
I then turn to past memory exploring for evidence that this could be a flash back to some bad experience that had come back to haunt me. Now I know very well, I have had perhaps, hundreds of nightmares, beginning in early childhood. These had all kinds of fear causing boogey men, creepy creatures, pirates and other disturbing images as the invention of a child’s over sensitive nervious system. And maybe one not being able to control the development of its image world.
My memory search did touch on some foggy memories of my early confusions about sex, babies and adult life. But no hints supporting the occurrence of actual sexual things, except
my own self explorations and pleasure pain experiences, soiling
embarrassments, enemas experienced with apprehension and peculiar body sensations.
Nothing found supporting the occurrence of any actual man doing any sexual thing with me. I am never fully satisfied with my dream analysis, and I look forward to the next one. I believe I get some fulfillment, self-correction and self-healing from this practice.
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I know I have taxed your attention by trying clumsily to show how I do I’d love to hear from you. -Crybabystill. JoAnn, |
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FateAnalysiscom » Crybabystill November 2009 Three Dreams and How I… the subject space and email me at fateanalysisguy@gmail.com …. You do not have to be any kind of professional to study Fateanalysis Teachings … |
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| Further Comment: |
| I got occupied with other things and did not post this on schedule. It seems a lesson in dream analysis resulted. As I finally readied the post for publication, it occurred to me I had totally missed the dark side of the about shopping before Christmas. It seems so long ago, but oh how awful it was. This may have some present connections, but the past one was traumatic when it happened. It was early in our marriage, my husband and I set out to do the Christmas shopping, which started out smoothly just as it should for two people happily in love. We made purchases and checked off the list of potential recipients, until we got to my husband’s mother. Being new to the position of daughter-in-law I felt an urgent desire to make sure that the gift would be special and would be one cherished by her. I felt I had a good grasp on what the mother of husband would appreciate, more or less on the basis of my experience with own mother and two grandmothers. My husband was thoroughly negative and surly about every suggestion I made, his objections centered on; she wouldn’t like this or that in clothing styles, and later, that she didn’t care for any thing for the kitchen or garden. Finally after much delay, in the home decor section we agreed on a couch throw, it was one of generous size and a classical design that would add cheerfulness to her home atmosphere without any clash of style or color. I pointed out to Bill its artistic qualities; the quality of the workmanship. And, if we were not going to follow my other intuitions, this would be a good choice, although a bit more pricey than my other suggestions had been. He then offered new objections, such as it might not match her taste in design, the color scheme, it might be too big, and it was too expensive. After some more of this grumbling and as he had no other better ideas, we made the purchase and I took the package and believed the deal finished. When then, my husband took the sales slip from the clerk, and scrutinized like a detective and in a demanding tone, wanted to know, (from the caught off guard) clerk: “Just what was the store’s return policy and what exactly each line of small print on the sales receipt meant. I was mortified, as this department store was renown for its no hassle exchange policy. The incident did not end there. At home he bought up his discontent allover again. The gift selected might somehow be potentially distressing to his mother, and how I had pressured him into the purchase. How much it cost–and also how inadequately the clerk had explained the return policy and also that the store’s receipt text was not binding and specific enough to be legally binding. Then, he started getting personal, (at least I felt so) Saying, he had noticed I never checked the totals or asked about any of the conditions of sale. While that was true, it was the same as him calling me stupid and hidden in this exchange was the shattering my image of him as a guy devoted to his mother and me. I flushed with angry and partly agreed with him (I am good at parting agreeing, when I don’t really agree.) –that most of what he said was true, but that he was over reacting. I was at this point getting really hot and distressed, Telling him-’ You are saying that I have to put every clerk through a third degree interrogation, every purchase I make?’. He began excusing himself that this scene was do to his superior knowledge and awareness of shoddy business practices and that he was not being derogatory at all. That night our home was a cold lonely place for each in silence trying to find balance before tomorrow’s dawn. |
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11/02/09 E-Mail from: Mountain Software Writer//To fateanalysisguy@gmail
Strange lonely dream: “Shoes lost to the bay mud. Isolation, Counterfeit Cool Guy, Anxiety Dependency. |
| The Dream:
I am in a flat tidal place with dykes making off distant watery sections with reeds, and inhabited by gulls, ducks and cranes. A place totally unlike my home, mountain region. I had seen a place somewhat similar riding in a car that passed along the highway that cuts across the South San Francisco Bay from a northeast San Jose to Cupertino on my way to the Apple Computer Center. I am walking out away from any visible road or people. I have a sensation of pleasant comfort with being there. As I walk further out, I notice it is getting muddier and my feet are sinking into the wet ground as I get closer to the bird sanctuary. I realize I have on street shoes and that they are starting to stick in the mud and I become anxious that I will lose them in the mud. I look for a dryer path or some debris to walk on, I find none. I smile and try to discard any thoughts of sinking deeper. I think of the people at work and if only they could see my dumb predicament now. I seem to grow anxious as the tide is rising and if I do not get free and head for high ground, I will have even a more serious problem. I decide that my not losing my shoes in the mud is no longer a priority and head aggressively toward high ground. As I do, my now bare feet feel hard metallic things and wires under the wet surface. This stuff abrades and cuts my feet, which start to bleed. I reach down and pull some of these pieces out of the mud. Most are rotted parts of very old computer and phone equipment. I toss them back and make a dash in near panic to the top of an earthen dyke, where I am safe, but the gravel top, hurts sharply ever step I take to get back to safety. I find some old discarded clothes or rags on the way and wrap my feet, this helps a lot and as I move on, I begin to worry about the feet getting infected from the dirty old rags. I see this on the surface as references to my self-analysis efforts. Which I see most the time as comfortable and pleasant. I recognize I have to move out from some comfortable and secure things, and reach beyond to both the natural things-the tidal recurring world and equally to my inner world. I often am aware that I feel isolated from others and strive to hide it from both myself and others by overcompensating by taking the initiative in encouraging them to start new input and then nudge them toward make suggestions that are going to support my already decided agenda. This is manipulative and after using such ploys, I feel guilty. The limited security gained for the wild life may represent the various pains and risks, in living. In addition, where (as in the dream) one solution may force you to cross and deal with even more painful things before you get back on the path. The dyke symbol pointing to controlling barriers, a planned resistance to time and tide and also safety, at a painful price to cut bleeding feet. The comfort provided by the rags also carry the danger of infection. This last symbolization, the fear of infection leads to associations that my self-analysis threatens to reveal deeper conflicts with a larger neurotic core than I had ever believed possible. I think a deeper interpretation would be, that in my personal life, I have major, advance and retreat strategies those work great for me on the surface But they also block real closeness, and authentic self-fulfillment in my personal life. These are my compulsive repetitious, my, fall back positions. The are automatically triggered whenever I let my self get too personally involved. I think in the dream I hoped for someone to help me, but it was clear I had to make the effort on my own. Being known a cool person is not as cool as it would seems. I believe that under the surface I have a distrust or others, particularly, those others significant to me. I expect to get hurt and begin to feel a kind of anxiety whenever I find I am growing dependent in my love life. I feel some guilt about this and struggle against revealing it. I know (on later reflection), it is caused more by what is in me than anything about them. I have always tied to make a virtue out of my avoiding dependency but I am being to see, it also served to hide a deep-set distrust of others. |
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To reach me: send e-mail to fateanalysisguy@gmail.com Be sure to put “Bay Mud Dream” or “Mountain Software writer” in the subject bar. This is because all mail for fateanalysis.com goes to the site’s Editor first, before being dropped in any of the several participant’s private boxes. |
| flash card: revisionist psychology. |
| In a systematic self-analysis, one also must be open to discovery and as well, some unpleasantness to follow from this crossing of old and new content. Content often containing childhood history, present conflicts and importantly the dissonance of that comes from what you are and what you wish to be. |
| Don’t try to remember this. It will stick in your mind relative to what it means to you. |
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