JoAnn) “CRYBABYSTILL”- Invited Guest Blogger.

Why and How I Do My Self-Analysis, which is always dream based!

October 6, 2009

Irritating Girl, Police Banquet, Young Officer, Award, Boss, Fear of Arrest.

THANKS for the input to the ‘Police Banquet Dream’. You all are so perceptive and quick to point to things of importance and suggest questions I need to ask myself.

Here are my public replies:

Does the award receiving (young handsome achieving) policeman represent some desire on your part to be warmly admired? –Yes.

Does the company and some company secret represent your family?–Yes and Maybe.

The girl putting your awareness down stir your your hostility?-and when such happens in real life do you kick back like in the dream?–Damn right I do.

Have you an inferiority complex?–About some things, Yes.

Do or did you have a sexual interest in your boss?–Sort of- never openly on either of our parts -I saw him much more of the father I never really had and his boss (now in the dream) really is a stand in for my mother and the smart ass girl some aspect of myself that also relates to some hidden resentment over, some aspects of her being both mother and father to me in my childhood.

Is there a ‘Soprano’ episode that you connect to this dream?–Yes, The fade to black last episode. Dr. Melfi, never cured him, his wife never got satisfaction for his cheating on her and the FBI or the mob never paid him back for all his gross criminal transgressions. How come? Did my father ever pay his dues? Will the God, of my childhood Catholic Confessors, punish all transgressors into sin at the final judgement? Did I not hear from my Rosecruxian teachers, that in the Egyptian theography, on entering the after life, everyone, without exception is individually given a balance test, as to the purity of intentions, as opposed to the actual truth of the life lived? Do I fear facing old memories of being disappointed, deprived of a normal childhood. Which in turn, generated, avarice, hostility and radical self-deception? Maybe, is it too late to repair, clean my bag thoughts, or my soul? I don’t know, but I want to try.

Have you a guilt complex?, Yes, one sort of paranoid that lurks in the background of my life. At times I out shift blame to others. I don’t think it reaches a clinical level where I would mistake this feeling for any reality.

Now my turn to ask a question. Can you tell me why in my dream world, (so far) I never seem to find and accomplish any satifaction or self fulfillment? It seems satisfaction and fulfillment is both in my dreams and real life, a mirage that always eludes me. Why in my dreams are there no opportities for self-repair and any moments of glory are for someone else?

#THE DREAM#

There were two men and two girls from my company with me we are at a banquet table. It was a police banquet and some officer we knew of was to get a reward for braking up a criminal gang that had been very much in the news, I wanted to know more about this. This one girl was disgusted with me and was telling me how little I knew. Peeved at this, I replied right back, I did know something and that although there were things I didn’t know I did listen to current events. I guess I was one man’s secretary and I think that man next to me was H, (my current real life boss) - But at this moment I sort of remember feeling this girl was a smart ass, with her unwarranted remarks. She sat on the other side of H. and I couldn’t see her clearly, only knew of her presence and that she was the white haired man’s secretary (this man was Mr. H’s boss ) I felt embarrassed at this exchange in front of these men. I shut up, while thinking it was she who didn’t really know anything but I remember feeling I was right in letting her know she was off base. What I didn’t know had something to do with company history. And the expression on Mr. H.’s boss’s face suggested he was very annoyed. I was unsure which of us he was annoyed with. I feared I had angered him against me and maybe my boss. I asked him as diplomatic as I could, if this might be. He said he had dismissed the subject of myself from his mind. And that he knew I was stupid and wasn’t even considering the thought that I was trying to be profound when I said that I knew something even if it was only current events - His face looked cold and emotionally detached.

The ceremony began and the Chief of Police called a handsome smiling officer to stand up and he was presented with a gold badge (signifying he had been promoted to captain.) and he shook his hand and embraced him warmly. The officer sat down and a uniformed lady ‘information’ officer took over the podium and read a long list of the charges that had resulted from this officer’s work in ending this gang’s criminal activities. This went as most police reports do, until she started mentioned names and addresses of people as ‘co-conspirators’-who were people I knew, and places I frequented. I began to fear my name was about to be read. The older man grabbed the other girl, and my boss grabbed me by the arm and we got up and left before the event was over. As we left all eyes in the room were watching us. I feared we were not going to be let out.

Those that know me are aware that that am over conscientious about driving laws, littering rules and have nightmares if I fudge on my income tax. The most crooked thing I can recall doing was stealing a decorated pencil box from novelty store when I was eleven, and kissing some boyfriends in high school. I was as young woman over-modest, over-controlled and would cross the street the long way around to avoid jaywalking. However my sleep world was truly nightmarish, whenever anything criminal was mentioned in the news, it popped into my dreams. News by the way I tried consciously to avoid, but somehow still entered my dreams anyway as maliciously directed at me. Even now this happens, but now it comes off in my dreams more sensibly structured and indirect. Usually containing some fears, anxieties and hints that something I have done justifies my being selected out for punishment or various torments by both the authorities and the gangster types. There are associations of these elements in this dream. I note, I defend myself only to find it stirs up problems for myself and my boss, whom I wish to please.

fateanalysisguy@gmail.com Put “POLICE BANQUET” in the subject bar. I promise I will read your message. There is nothing commercial in this. It is person to person. We all learn together. Thanks!

Dreameryv2

October 5, 2009

Sex Crazy Girl -Talking Cat- Prisoner -Strange events.

I was in some woods where I met a girl who had on a leopard skin leotard-a show business type costume and long light reddish hair. She must have been sex crazy because that’s all she talked about. Larry wanted to get away from her, but this girl wanted to leave with us, but somehow she could not leave without her ‘wife’ who looked like a young Liz Taylor. This woman had the same color of red hair. This lady said she feared if she was left here, she would die and she  pleaded urgently to go with us. I think Larry wanted nothing to do with these two. I told him to go ahead and take the girls with him anyway, because there could be more trouble and the possibility that, someone might get killed if they stayed.

They left and I was somehow alone then was in a unfamiliar house with an old gray haired lady and her 3 or 4 cats.

Here, I apparently was free to do what ever I wanted, but I understood I was really a prisoner and began thinking of ways to get away. One plan was to go the apartment of two trusted friends I believed to be somewhere nearby. However, I couldn’t until a ugly event occurred when a dog was killed by a mountain lion, which so distracted the old lady that I felt this was my opportunity.

I grabbed my coat and bag and was about to run for it.

When the always most unfriendly one of the old lady’s cats came to me and acted now, very friendly. In fact, he wanted me to hold it. This delayed my plan. After showing appreciation for being held, the cat started to talk to me and told me I should leave soon because he and his brother had just come to stay over night and the old lady had killed ‘duke’ (his brother cat) -because he was to marry someone the next day, that the old lady didn’t approve of and this female love was turned into a cat or killed by the old woman’s strange power.

I told the cat I didn’t know what to do. I needed proof to believe it. The cat asked me to hold it up to the medicine cabinet and it took out a small piece of paper that had apparently belonged to ‘Duke’.

However the cat knocked down a bottle of Carter’s Little Liver Pills into the wash bowl and the noise brought the little old lady into my room. She asked what I was doing and I hid the paper and said I was getting a drink of water. To my surprise, the empty glass had ice cubes in it. The cat had jumped out the window in the meantime.

The old lady seemed quite satisfied with my excuse and said she had came to talk to me. She was looking around the room and she spied my bag with my sewing basket in it and the paper on top -she picked it up and looked in it. The paper was a rough draft of a wedding invitation for the Duke one who was (somehow) really a cat. The lady didn’t believe this paper meant anything to me because she had assumed all of them were dead. She didn’t know the talking cat existed or that I was ready to escape.
I think the dream continued when I went back to bed. This dream seemed so differently out of context that I had to reassure myself that this was my dream. I note in the dream itself I demand proof from the talking cat of the alleged power to kill or change beings, that he accused the old lady of perpetrating on his to be wed, brother, Duke and his beloved. Why the part, of Larry, the sex crazy girl in the exhibitionist costume and her frightened ‘wife’ friend, who looked like a young actress, Liz Taylor, who feared for her life? The same hair colors connection links these two, who left with Larry. I somehow stay, eventhough I sense danger and find myself a prisoner of the old gray haired lady with witch like power. The talking cat and its story is near fairy tale stuff, I recall as a child I enjoyed the Puss n’ Boots tale. I don’t recall the plot, but I remember that Puss dressed like a Musketeer in the Three Musketeers story. Some time in childhood, I wished to have been one of the Musketeers myself, instead, my tomboy phase was one of a Cowgirl and maybe (jumping back a dream) Little Beaver and/or some Lone Ranger type. There were lots of little cowgirls and cowboys role playing throughout my Midwest school years. County and Western dress and music filled my childhood home and is still a favorite with me.

The cat who changed from unfriendly to friendly to warn me - escapes and leaves me to deal with this old bad witch type, who I think, I am fooling-? What about the magic appearance of ice cubes in the alibi glass of water? The cat’s story ‘proof paper’, in my (escape preparation) bag, my sewing basket? Carter’s Little Liver Pills?

How is this me, or even old me’s, that I used to be? Or is it something I am discarding and moving on from? Is this that I was fooling my Mom (or myself) about my long ago identifications with my father? Am I gender twisted or envious? You tell me.