My husband, Bill is quiet, thoughtful, hardly every drinks. He does not seem to desire the wild life at all. Logically, he is a good husband. When we have a small dispute it is almost always over my poor handling of money, When this happens he call me a financial idiot and I strike back, that he may be right, but that when it comes to music, it is he who is the idiot!

Last night, I dreamed I was back at my old schools music department and I was explain to my friends that I would not be coming back. Because I was accepting a profitable, but non music related job, which pleased my husband, whom I said frowned on working for nothing, (as was the usual rule in the music department.) They all laughed, as they knew that was their fate.

As I left the building one of the pet cats that had been there for years followed me because it liked me so well. Apparently the cat was the mascot and good luck piece for the nusic department. I petted it and told it it was needed there and had to stay.

Back home I aomehow learned that a series of bad luck events had occured at the music department. Teachers had been fired for inaaprprate affairs with students, a fire distroyed the music hall and the senior music professor had colon cancer and was not expected to live. The schedieuled perforances had consquently been cut in half.

There was a message, I didn’t fully inderstand, about a dog that was attacked and killed by a hungry mountain lion in front the school. Some how I was expected to feel guilty or responsible for this. But I did’t really feel that way about the news.

Non-Therapy Re-Framing (NPL Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) When you need help not analysis or therapy,

This thread (there are of course, other views) of neuro-linguistic programming. is the one advocated by mostly, of course, non-therapists, educators, coaches, parents, managers, employers or any other, not officially licensed to claim being some kind of therapist.
It is somewhat on the older belief, that there exists in each of us, a common sense, one neurological and linguistically represented is already within you. You have only to learn how to access it.

It should be obvious to any discerning
person, that it is not practical to enroll everyone who could benefit from it, in an full blown psychoanalysis with a professional therapist.
For this excluded group (for what ever reason) there is  the possibility of systematic
self-analysis which is feasible with some practical instruction.

Don’t try to remember this. It will stick in your mind relative to what it means to you. There are no therapists or psychogists for hire at this site.You are your own therapist here.

To others. (= efforts seeking balance as to mutuality, attachment, and dependency. )
Away from others. (= efforts usually defensive, to compensate for the perils, pains, and frustrations closeness generates.)
To join with internal aspects of yourself. (Self Image forms, but for some, with danger of creating idealized fictional extensions. This is common to behaviors labeled neurotic. )
Turn certain aspects of yourself against yourself. ( Normal self criticism may over develop causing alienation to start which explains many self-defeating behaviors.)

CERTAIN PROBLEMS ARE CONNECTED WITH THE FULFILLMENT OR NON-FULFILLMENT OF NEEDS WHICH MAY CAUSE ANXIETIES AND HOSTILTIES TO APPEAR. CERTAIN COMPULSIVE AND INHIBITION POWERS ARE ALSO ‘BASIC’ NEED CONNECTED AND MAY WORK UNCONSCIOUSLY IN YOUR LIFE.

The Neurotic Needs According to Karen Horney

Neurotic needs are compulsive AND cause anxiety.

“Basic anxiety is the foundation of the neurotic personality. Horney identifies ten strategies and corresponding needs that neurotics develop to cope with their excessive anxiety and feelings of helplessness and loneliness“

Karen Horney first listed these 10 “neurotic needs” in Self-Analysis, 1942, pp. 51-56.

1. The neurotic need for affection and approval (see The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, Chapter 6, on the need for affection):Some variations exist such as the indiscriminate need to please others and to be liked and approved of by others. the automatic living up to the expectations of others;

Center of focus emotional  is on others and not on the self, with their wishes and opinions the only thing that counts. Dread of self-assertion may be involed and also the dread of hostility on the part of others or of hostile feelings within self.

2. The neurotic need for a “partner” who will take over one’s life (see New Ways in Psychoanalysis, Chapter 15, on masochism, and Fromm’s Escape from Freedom, Chapter 5, on authoritarianism; also the example given below in Chapter 8):

Center of focus entirely in the “partner,” who is to fulfill all expectations of life and take responsibility for good and evil, his successful manipulation becoming the predominant task; and connected is the overvaluation of “love” because “love” is supposed to solve all problems;

Dread of desertion commonly the dread of being alone relates to both childhood experiences and real dangers of separation in the present.

3. The neurotic need to restrict one’s life within narrow borders:

Necessity to be undemanding and contented with little, and to restrict ambitions and wishes for material things; ( a compulsion, often overlooked item on many psychological inventories) or may exist as a compulsive ‘necessity’ to remain inconspicuous and to take second place;often with tendency to  self-belittling  ones good faculties and potentialities, with a exagerated  modesty. Compulssive urge to save rather than to spend. Dread of making any demands. Dread of having strart or follow through on asserting reasonable needs and rights.

4. The neurotic need for power ( The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, Chapter 10, on the need for power, prestige, and possession):

Domination over others craved for its own sake; excessice and compulive devotion to cause, duty, responsibility, a maintained  and open disrespect for  ’others’, their individuality, their dignity, their feelings, the only concern being their subordination in the exchange. Often acts indiscriminate has adoration for strength and contempt for any weakness in other and sometimes in one’s own self. Compulsive control issue sufaces often as a dread of uncontrollable situations; dread of anything situating them as even momentarily helplessness.

The neurotic need to control both oneself and others may indirectly assert by use of reason and foresight and rule making and thus  not openly show it’s deeper  domination goal. It may be useful for those who are too inhibited to exert power directly and openly. Those wih this neurotic striving often offer a strong belief in the omnipotence of intelligence and reason and deny the power of emotional forces and have contempt for them. At times they dread any recognizing of limitations to the power of reason. A feeling of fortitude may be gained from the belief in the magic power of will (like possession of a wishing ring as if reality itself is to change because they wish it so.)

5. The neurotic need to exploit others and by hook or crook get the better of them, others are evaluated primarily according to whether or not they can be exploited or made use of.

Various foci of exploitation–money (bargaining amounts to a passion), ideas, sexuality, feelings, folloed by pride in exploitative skill or dread of being exploited and thus of being “stupid.”

6. The neurotic need for social recognition or prestige (may or may not be combined with a craving for power) For many under the compulive push of the need, things–inanimate objects, money, persons, one’s own qualities, activities, and feelings are evaluated and accpted according to their prestige enhansing values.

They may follow the use of traditional or rebellious ways of inciting attention, envy or admiration,  potentially magnified by  concepts of losing face, caste, status any humiliation hurts,  whether or not caused through external circumstances or through factors from within.

7. The neurotic need for personal admiration:

Inflated image of self (narcissism);

Need to be admired not for what one possesses or presents in the public eye but for the imagined self;

Self-evaluation dependent on living up to this image and on admiration of it by others;

Dread of losing admiration (”humiliation hurts”).

8. The neurotic ambition for personal achievement:

Need to surpass others not through what one presents or is but through one’s activities;

Self-evaluation dependent on being the very best–lover, sportsman, writer, worker–particularly in one’s own mind, recognition by others being vital too, however, and its absence resented;

Admixture of destructive tendencies (toward the defeat of others) never lacking but varying in intensity;

Relentless driving of self to greater achievements, though with pervasive anxiety;

Dread of failure (”humiliation”).

9. The neurotic need for self-sufficiency and independence:

Necessity never to need anybody, or to yield to any influence, or to be tied down to anything, any closeness involving the danger of enslavement;

Distance and separateness the only source of security;

Dread of needing others, of ties, of closeness, of love.

10. The neurotic need for perfection and unassailability

(see New Ways in Psychoanalysis, Chapter 13, on the super-ego, and E. Fromm, Escape from Freedom, Chapter 5, on automaton conformity):

Relentless driving for perfection;

Rumination and self-recriminations regarding possible flaws;

Feelings of superiority over others because of being perfect;

Dread of finding flaws within self or of making mistakes;

Dread of criticism or reproaches.

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Karen Horney (1937). The Neurotic Personality Of Our Time. New York: W. W. Norton.

___________ (1939). New Ways in Psychoanalysis. New York: W. W. Norton.

___________ (1942). Self-Analysis. New York: W. W. Norton.

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